Seattle Shatters Dream

How fitting. Today I finally leave Seattle. I've been here 6 weeks longer than I intended. I came to Seattle from Salt Lake City in search of a truer definition of myself. In tote were simple belongings and a wide open heart. That yearned for more. Purpose. Feeling. Fire.

I'm an amateur dancer who lived the past 9 years in search of her dream. Only to discover, that is what it had remained, a dream. I often hid it from people, thinking they wouldn't understand it, let alone approve. It was my little friend who was always turning the corner in front of me, staying just out of sight. I often cursed her, ignored her for months and years at a time. Distracted myself with a boyfriend, a sibling, a problem of some sort. Any sort. I yelled at her, gave her the finger... who the hell was she to snub me. All I wanted was to be apart of her. And sometime years later in Seattle, it clicked.

It all clicked. Dominos in my chest. I woke the fuck up, the light bulb shattered. My pretty friend had stopped in the middle of the park we always cut across on Pine St., and turned to me. Bright eyed under the stadium lights, she winked, and disappeared. I walked to my car alone, knowing she wouldn't be back. It was frightening. What was I to do without my dream. She was the only one who really knew me. I was defined by my chase of her.

Late I arrived. The house was dark and rain took safety with me indoors. I braced myself at the bathroom sink. And questioned authority as I always do. But this time, I was the authorizer. I saw two greener than usual eyes peering back at me through soaked hair. The mirror wasn't lying. This girl.. this dream.. she was just that. A dream. Nothing more. Not a goal, not a commitment, or a declaration. She was just a dream. And she was finally gone.

Without her, this dream, this future version of me.. I had the time, energy and space for my life today, now, in present tense.

It was so obvious, and stupid simple. I had been investing every bit of my creative energy into a dream, and it remained just that. With the shift of thought as complex as a caveman, I looked in the mirror and opened up to my life. The life with which I chose. The life I attracted on a daily basis with every molecule of my being.

Since that moment, I have never been happier. What I am attracting today is exactly what I want. Shattered dreams never looked so good.